When your dating it’s easy to do the things that your intended spouse wants to do. Sure I’ll go to the ball game. Sure I’ll go to the mall. If you’re my husband, it’s sure I’ll go to Barnes and Noble; however, once you get married, it another ball game.  Sports, reading, shopping, hunting, or whatever aren’t hobbies that everyone loves or wants to do.  I can say for sure my husband hates the bookstore but suffers through if I ask him to go.  But I’ve learned that’s not such a good idea because he rushes me every time we go! It’s fine to have his and her interests but you did get married to share your life with so why not try and find some common interest.  The more time you spend apart, the further apart you’ll grow.  Which means, the more time quality time you spend together the closer you’ll grow.  Having common interests will deepen the love and friendship you have for one another.

I have close friends but I consider my husband my best friend and love spending time with him.  However, he’s a homebody and I’m the one wants do something every Saturday and we’re both learning to merge our lives.  You can’t have intimacy without friendship and one of the best ways to build intimacy and friendship is through quality time.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a foodie and love a good restaurant but how much interaction and fun can you have if you go to dinner every time you schedule a date night or quality time?  You’re in luck because I’ve compiled some tips that will help you find a hobby that will be great for both of you. Now remember you will have to compromise sometimes but hopefully this list will show you that it’s just as important if not more to find things to do together versus apart.  So how do couples find hobbies that they want to do together? Love stories are old and dinner dates are tired.

Schedule a Date Night

Date nights are the one thing you should NEVER forget to schedule.  I don’t care if it’s scheduling time to take a bubble bath; you will ALWAYS need that one on one time. So to begin trying to find a hobby you’ll both enjoy, schedule a date night to go over your interests.  Now I know I said dinner is tired but this is the one time in this post will mention a dinner date night. Now instead of going to your usual spot, pick a place you both have never been to and get to work.  Bring a small notepad or use your phones to take notes.  Here are a few questions to get you started:

  1. If money were no object, what hobby would you want to start?
  2. What are some hobbies that men and women can do together?
  3. Do you like indoor or outdoor activities?
  4. What were your favorite childhood hobbies?
  5. Do those hobbies still interest you?
  6. Do you like intellectual hobbies?
  7. Do you like hobbies that physically challenge you?
  8. Why do you find your hobbies enjoyable?

List your Common Hobbies

This is where things get interesting….start listing the hobbies you’d like to do together. Here are few hobbies to get your started:

  1. Hiking
  2. Sailing
  3. Jogging
  4. Biking
  5. Photography
  6. Bowling
  7. Racquetball
  8. Horseback riding
  9. Visit museums
  10. Cooking
  11. Visit flea markets
  12. Travel together
  13. Go to the gun range
  14. Golfing

Develop an Action Plan

After you’ve written your list, decide which ones you want to try immediately and the ones you can put off.  If you’re on a tight budget, make sure you choose budget friendly hobbies.  Next you should whip out your calendars and begin to schedule time to try the hobbies.  Remember you don’t have to try every hobby you listed. Ask each other these questions when narrowing down the hobbies you want to try. Set the following rules:

  1. Date nights are required at least once a month.
  2. Both must participate.
  3. Electronics are only allowed to capture memories.
  4. Have fun.
  5. Create any rule you want to add to the list.

Take Inventory

It’s very important that you track of the hobbies you’ve tried to determine which ones you’ll keep in your repertoire.  Interview each other after each hobby. Doing this will help you eliminate the hobbies that don’t interest both of you.  If you decide to keep some on this that one of you enjoys, don’t be a party pooper when your spouse says she wants to do something.  To figure out if it should stay or go ask the following questions:

  1. What did you learn about your honey after trying out the hobby?
  2. Did you both really enjoy it?
  3. Why did you enjoy it?
  4. Did you feel like you suffered through it?
  5. Did you pay attention your spouse’s face when they are participating?
  6. Would you do it again?
  7. How can we build our relationship with the hobbies we’ve tried?

Always Have an Open Mind

Remember not to go into it with a narrow mind.  Be open to the interests of your spouse.  When you were single you could do whatever you wanted but now that you’re married, you MUST have an open mind.  You’d be surprised at what your spouse would be willing to try.  For instance, I love action movies so I don’t complain when my husband finds one on Netflix.  He does watch a love story from time to time but I don’t know if it’s because he likes them or just wants to make me happy. Either way we get to spend some uninterrupted quality time together.

Rho’Nesha

 

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Rho'Nesha

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